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19h45 UTC; FRIDAY, 16 JANUARY 2015: As the Academy Awards for excellence in American cinema draw closer, there's no doubt there'll be plenty of competition for finding out which films will actually win the gold statutettes at the Samuel Goldwyn Theatre in Hollywood come the evening of 22 February; already, we've seen the People's Choice, Golden Globe and Critic's Choice Awards for possible early cluedos ... and before the Oscars ceremony comes along, you've got the Screen Actors' Guild, Writers' Guild and Directors' Guild awards to deal with

Which, to the cultural conservatives claiming to represent the Cultural Voice and Conscience of "REAL AmeriKKKa" (as in rural and small-town "poor whites" with deluded patriotic feelings and emotions tending to the xenophobically racist), are not representative of "REAL AmeriKKKan" Volkskultur such as is epitomised by the "music shows" down Branson way, with the "consecrating effect of Our Holy Blood and Soil" to ensure that such is "a more realistic ideal of the cultural ideal of the REAL AmeriKKKan," in particular one which sees Thy Dear and Lovely Land to be the True and Rightful Heir to Apartheid South Africa's former title of God's Own Country ... whose National and Sovereign Identity is conditioned by the defence of ons styl ekonomesie vryheid as much as by their Natural and Mutual Interconnexion ... and which holds People and Nation to be a naturally and mutually interconnected whole, bound by a hard-wired Blood Honour and Christian Heritage and Identity.

The answer therefor? The "Patriot's Choice Awards," to "represent such examples of film, radio, television, music and literature as reflects the Luscious Glory of Thy Dear and Lovely Land and Such Ideals and Values As Establish Her as a Peculiar Among the Nations as of His Divine Right and Endowment," or so its organisers want it packaged as.

Only it turns out that the nominees and winners turned out to be rather costly flops which were heavily promoted by taking advantage of Natural and Mutual Synergies common among the Paleoconservative Christian Patriot Right, to be seen as a "united front***representing REAL AmeriKKKa", which quickly wound up in the bargain bins at your local dollar store so as to save face and claim substantial tax-beneficial losses for those involved. Especially considering where such were promoted with overbaked appeals to jingoistic patriotism common to the "REAL AmeriKKKan" belieing the fact of their being produced on the cheap and quick (and reflecting it in the final product, to the pleasure of critics as are quick to seize upon its faults--especially bulk purchases on the part of paleoconservative fronts and sects).

Hence, one rival to the Oscars we don't really need.

So till next time, folks: "73"

(Which, incidentally, was railroad telegraphers' shorthand for "goodbye.")

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