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00h UTC; SATURDAY, 8 JUNE 2013: You may or may not have been noticing a series of adverts on cable TV of late from Walmart purporting to show "actual Walmart shoppers" from the very "REAL AmeriKKKa" lionised by certain specimens of conservative prolefeeder heaping nothing but glowing generalities about Walmart and its representing "real value for money" for the "REAL AmeriKKKan."

Unfortunately, though, Your Correspondent is one of those who's become skeptical about the sincerity of that campaign under banner of "The Real Walmart," which seeks to divert public attention from the ongoing wave of industrial action taking issue with Walmart's pay policies and working conditions as exploit the same classes of "REAL AmeriKKKans" they claim to be helping. And it's enow to have Your Correspondent ask these rather worthwhile questions which the Real American needs to ask Walmart for once:
  1. How do we know these "actual Walmart shoppers' weren't actually coached on what to say, not to mention the tone and stylee of delivery, the nuance even?
  2. How do we know these aren't exactly the same types who fall for the worst of conservative prolefeed, the sort as values ideology above objectivity (the old "words-as-weapons" trope valued by conservatives as one with "winning over hearts and minds"), and accept such blindly, without question or reservation?
  3. How do we know these aren't really actors anyway?
The which, in any event, is enough to have Your Correspondent suggest as a more realistic commercial for the purposes of this campaign one which features a more realistically "REAL AmeriKKKan"--an obese, flatulent, jingoistic, chain-smorking, beer-drinking, race-conscious specimen of "poor whiteism" made flesh. As witness his rather awful grammar (cf. former St. Louis Cardinals broadcaster Dizzy Dean, as in such travesties of English as "he slud at third," "they throwed him out at second" and "the players returned to their respectable bases" in calling Cardinals games, to the chagrin of Our Miss Brooks), his on-air passing of gas, drinking beer and belching throughout, his wearing a patriotically-themed T-shirt as turns out being of Bhangladeshi manufacture (one of numerous faults of his exposed throughout in a hybrid of Joe Isuzu and VH-1 Pop-Up Videos, including such Amazing Revelations as his being the product of a dysfunctional upbringing, his being "chronically dependent upon government" despite "reasonable efforts" to find work as last but a few weeks, Walmart being essentially the only store in his community, Child Welfare workers repeatedly being called out to his residence over rumours of his kids being "of unkempt appearence" at school, his displaying the Nazi swastika and Transvaaler Vierkleur flags in what passes for the living room, his regarding the ilk of Hitler and Verwoerd as Heroes and Role-Models, his subscribing to racist and White Nationalist journals [copies of some can be seen stacked behind him], his rejecting energy efficiency as being one with "Wise Use", his dependence upon Fox News for his prolefeed, his notoriety for perousing curiosa online, &c., &c.)

And as he continues ranting away about Walmart being the best friend of the "REAL AmeriKKKan" towards the end, a couple of sheriff's deputies, with Child Welfare agents in tow, come in with a warrant to remove the kids from the household inasmuch as the parents have been found "unfit and immoral," in its turn provoking a brawl of the sort "Tea Party" types love to deploy when confronted with police (and which can be exaggerated in the conservative prolefeed outlets) as forces the "PLEASE STAND BY" message to display on screen when the conversation gets loud and tastelessly vulgar, even to the point of F-bombs about to be dropped.

THAT, IMHO, would be a more realistic depiction of your typical Walmart customer for the sake of this new campaign. (With full Appy Polly Loggies to Mad Magazine for the inspiration of the idea.)



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